My Inner Conflict (AKA: Keeping up with the Joneses)

Have you ever felt like you are trying to keep up with the people that surround you?  I do.  I look at certain things that my friends have and feel like I need more.  Since my hubby and I have been together we have been paying off student debt and a car loan, having babies, doing more school and accumulating more debt, losing RRSP value in the 2008 decline and slowly trying to get out of the red.  Many of our friends have been buying houses, cars, trailers and seem to be doing very well.  I have been very envious of them and feel like we just don't seem to be getting anywhere.  I am only human :0

© Photographer: | Agency: Dreamstime.com

This all came about because we are currently in the process of buying another vehicle.  We have survived with one car for many years, but now I am going back to work full-time in September and we will need another vehicle to transport the family.  It will be too stressful to make 4 stops between all of us and my daughter's daycare requires me to drop her off at 8 am and pick up at 3:30 pm (My son went there and we love the program even though it has short hours and is fairly pricey).  We both teach and I tend to bring a lot of work home with me and walking is out of the question with a toddler and books, even though we do live a manageable distance to walk or ride a bike.  We started big by looking into a fairly new Nissan Frontier and then realized that this purchase was just too big for us.  Next we looked at a more affordable Dodge Dakota crew cab and even went as far as getting a pre-approved loan for one.

This evening, my husband and I sat down and talked about reasons for purchasing a truck.  It went something like this:
Hubby:  Why do we need a truck?
Me:  Camping, hauling stuff and because I like the idea of having a truck..hmm.
Hubby:  Can we make do with a car? (Can you tell that he is the more sensible one?)
Me:  But I really want to camp with my kids and I can't camp in a tent?
Self-reflection:  Why can't I camp in a tent?  Because there is no running water to deal with diapers and cleaning kids.  Everyone else has trailers.  I want to camp in fashion.  What do I want?  Who am I trying to be?

After some self-reflection and inner conflict:
Me:  Let's buy a car.  We need to save money for the house we want and I want to teach my kids the real joy of camping.

Why am I making decisions that go against where I want myself and my family to be?  I want to be less of a consumer, teach my kids to rough it and be happy with what we have.  I find it a struggle to live in the manner that I see myself and be surrounded by so much that I want.  I feel like such a hypocrite, but as I said before...I am only human.

I know that we all have these personal struggles.  I looked up the term "Keeping up with the Joneses" and came across, Investopedia.com and an article entitled "Stop Keeping Up with the Joneses, They are Broke".  The author, Lisa Smith, links to a website that discusses a 2006 survey, "Necessity or Luxury" by the Pew Research Center.  This survey shows us that our list of needs has increased over the years and continues to grow.  Lisa goes on to give a few points to ground us and brings us back to being true to ourselves and our real needs:)    Her first point is that the Joneses are broke and just getting by.  She also tells us that we should trim our needs and set our priorities.  This article is definitely worth the read and makes me realize that I need to continue to take a step back and decide what I really want in life and not be swayed by those around me.

I am a very spontaneous person.  I am very lucky to have a husband that questions the big decisions we make, but is still looking for the same  outcomes in life as I am.  Last year we were looking at purchasing a home and it was the same story.  We are not ready to purchase, especially when we live in an area that has the homes we want for well above $500K.  We will wait for our home with a big backyard for the kids to play in and take our fuel efficient car, loaded to the roof and above with our tent and gear and save our money.
 
I am lucky to have some friends that keep me thinking about the decisions that I make (Thank you Free Range Mama)  and a fairly simple family life that I truly do enjoy.  I hope to continue to do what is best for my family, follow my values along the way and not be swayed by the luxuries in life.

© Photographer: | Agency: Dreamstime.com

This post has been linked to Frugally Sustainable's Frugal Days, Sustainable Ways #10.